This is me!

Hi world! Welcome to my corner of the interwebs. My name is Jen, and I’m so glad that you’ve found me.

I hope through this blog to help you get to know me better, answer questions about infertility and adoption, offer validation and a voice for those living the reality of these experiences, and let you know that you are not alone if you find yourself here.

You can read a brief snippet about me on my About page, but if you’re looking for some additional info about me, let me further introduce myself!

You’ve got 5 kids. Are you going to adopt more?

I get asked this one quite a bit – more so than when we “only” had two children! The answer is, I don’t know and I’m not worried about it. We aren’t currently active on any adoption agency waitlists, but being practicing Catholics, we are always open to the gift of life, however it comes to us. Only God knows if He has another child for our family, and we trust in His plan for us.

Why did you write a women’s infertility devotional?

When I was deep in my suffering with infertility, I felt like I was on the longest emotional roller coaster of my life. One minute I was feeling the pain of seeing another negative pregnancy test and the next I was celebrating with a dear friend the news of her pregnancy. I zoomed from heartbreaking doctor appointments to baby showers that required my smiles and well wishes. I dodged repetitive questioning from unknowing others about when we were going to start a family to then feeling forgotten when I wasn’t asked how our family building journey was going. 

I tried to find the words to express how I was feeling through any written prayer I could find, any book, any way I could pour my heart out and find connection with someone who understood. What I could find didn’t seem to be really honest about all the emotions I was battling, the temptations I was fighting; everything seemed to sugarcoat the experience. What about the envy I couldn’t escape of the pregnancies of all of my friends? And the despair that seemed to lurk around the end of every cycle that revealed, yet once again, that we still hadn’t conceived? The growing resentment I developed toward myself, others and even God? 

I decided one afternoon to just start writing down prayers of deliverance from every raw emotion, negative thought and temptation toward sin that I knew were not what God wanted me to be dwelling on. Over time the prayers turned into a long litany that I then expanded upon and developed into a devotional.

I hope that my devotional allows women the space to be themselves, to be honest about their feelings regarding their infertility. I want women to have the words to understand and name out loud what they are feeling as they journey through this incredibly difficult, sometimes unbearable, experience and all that comes with it. This is a judgment-free zone. 

I pray that as my devotional helps women connect with all of their own feelings about their infertility and begin to feel connected to a larger support community through the resources I want to offer for connection, the healing journey will begin and deepen for each woman this book touches. 

I pray that every plan and purpose our Lord has for my devotional would be fulfilled. This is His book. May it glorify Him!

Are you going to write any more books? What about?

That’s the plan! I plan to write two more volumes to the “Praying Through Infertility” series that go through the remaining part of the litany, as each volume goes through one-third of the litany since it is so long! I would love to someday write a book about adoption and another with compilations of others’ infertility and adoption stories. I have a journalism degree, so writing is something I love!

Why should I follow you and your blog?

If you’ve suffered through infertility and feel like no one understands, you feel exhausted from all of the testing, medicines and appointments and exasperated from trying to answer people’s questions about when you plan on having children, you are welcome here. I have been there. For going on 14 years now (as of the writing of this post in 2023). I have wrestled with God for a while now in trying to make sense of His plan for my family. It’s often maddening. But, I have found hope. Have I ever conceived? No. Not once. Do I hope to ever conceive at this point in my life? Well, I can always hope, but I don’t honestly believe I will at this point. Premature menopause at the ripe old age of 37 five years ago kind of drove that nail in. 

My point is that I want to serve as a witness of hope. I hope and pray that God wills pregnancy and healthy births for every woman who comes here, but I also want to be a witness of hope to those women who may never conceive. The story of your family doesn’t end with that revelation, and I am living proof of that. There is much joy to be had in your story. His ways are not our ways and I want to help you find the much awaited joy in your own story.

How does your husband feel about you sharing your infertility and adoption story with the world? What about your children?

My husband is very supportive of my ministry in serving couples suffering from infertility and those touched by adoption, and, in fact, it is a ministry of his as well! While he is involved with it on a different level than I am since he has a full-time job otherwise, his commitment to serving those on a family building journey similar to ours is apparent.

We regularly meet with couples in our hometown to share our story with them and answer any questions they may have, as we found it extremely helpful to meet with experienced couples when we were just beginning our own journey and felt overwhelmed with emotions and decisions to be made. We regularly speak at retreats, adoption orientations, prayer services, from the pulpit, and over coffee and dessert with couples in our own home. My husband is also a former youth minister and has extensive experience serving youth through various ministries, so he is familiar with the concept of sharing a personal testimony when it would be something that would help others find their way on their journey with God’s plan for us.

As far as how my children feel about me sharing my infertility and adoption story with the world, well, they are very used to it and there are no surprises! We try to have no stigma around conversations about infertility or adoption, either in talking within our family or out in the world when given the opportunity and appropriate. Each of our children know their own adoption story at a developmentally appropriate level. We even read children’s adoption books to our 2-year-old to help familiarize him with the language he will someday come to understand better about his own story. 

That being said, I don’t intend to share my children’s personal adoption stories because their story is just that – their own personal story and their birth families' story, too. I only intend to share parts of those stories that are my story to share, such as how I prepared for and have experienced the part of my life that involves mine and my husband’s infertility and our journey in building our family through adoption, without sharing personal or unnecessary details of those stories that don’t include my perspective or experience. We have taught our children that they can always approach us with any questions or conversations about their stories, and we plan on telling them everything we can as they grow older so that there will be nothing hidden from them. If they would like to know something, I will do my best to get them the answers.

Do you provide in-person support? Can you recommend support groups?

I do! I have found it of utmost importance to connect with others walking a similar journey. As I mentioned earlier, when my husband and I were discerning our own call to adoption, we met with several couples who had previously adopted. Before we were even considering adoption, however, I was desperate to find other women who understood what I was experiencing with infertility and how I was feeling.

So my friend, Cari Henry, MD, and I started a ministry called Sarah’s Hope & Abraham’s Promise as part of the nonprofit, Rabboni Institute for Learning & Healing. SHAP is a ministry that provides spiritual and emotional healing, support and education to couples struggling with infertility and / or pregnancy loss and to those touched by adoption. We ran Bible studies that invited women to connect over our shared experiences of suffering, and the community it created brought me so much healing as I learned from the other women how to allow my wounds to be united with the wounds of Christ, and that it was OK to grieve the very real pain in loss that I had tried to keep stuffed down when I felt so alone in my journey. SHAP put on retreats and prayer services that continued to foster community and healing and has since begun to spread outward from our hometown! Learn more about SHAP at www.HopeForInfertility.com and see if there are events happening near you or if you want to bring programs to your area.

In addition to the work I do with SHAP, I continue to meet individually with those desiring further support, either in-person, online or over the phone. It is very important to me that women know that they aren’t alone in their journeys, and I want to serve hurting women however I can during such a painful time in their lives. 

What hope do you have to offer others currently experiencing infertility?

It’s true that I was never able to conceive in all of the many years of infertility I experienced. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have hope to offer! I had many times of doubt, fear and dismay when I didn’t know what God’s plan for our family was. I know what it’s like to feel alone, feel suffocated from envy of growing families all around you, to feel resentment toward God and your own body and to feel ignored or forgotten by your church community when it seems they only cater to young families.

I also know what it’s like, however, to have found doctors who truly care about you as a whole person – physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually – and also care about your marriage and your relationship with your spouse through all this. I know what it’s like to find “your people,” who don’t push aside the uncomfortable emotions or conversations you bring to the table, who are present for every small hope and repeated disappointment of each passing cycle, who are sensitive to your needs when pregnancy announcements pop up and when baby showers are expected to be attended.

I can offer hope of the countless miracle babies I’ve witnessed be brought to the world, both through conception and adoption, leaving no desiring couple I know who are truly open to God’s plan, without children.

And while I’m still on my own healing journey, which may last a lifetime, I will be honest that there are still times when grief from my infertility pops up. I suspect pieces of that grief may continue to arise even with passing time, albeit in smaller ways and lasting for shorter amounts of time. I still pray for continued healing in ways that I might not even know I need it and for lasting peace with God’s plan. I feel abundantly blessed with a healthy marriage and loving spouse and five precious children whom I would’ve never had the opportunity to love if it hadn’t been for our infertility.

Can I ask you questions, send comments or share my personal story with you?

Absolutely! I definitely want to hear from you. You can get ahold of me through the Contact form on my website.